10 days after
Even though i never saw my baby, not even in the fetus form after he was taken out from me but believe me, i have already formed a bond with my baby in those 2 short weeks. I have felt the special connection from the moment Dr. N delivered me the news.
Then, all the excitement came to an abrupt end on 06.10.09.
Shock & denial. Guilt & anger. Depressed & despair.
I still could not answer the "WHY" question. And it may never be answered. Why me? Is it purely a test from Allah? Is it a punishment of all the wrong things that I have done before? How am I supposed to face my supposed to be baby arrival due date? And lots more.
I know husband is grieving too but he always had harder time expressing his feeling. Or maybe he's bottle up his emotions in an effort to be strong for me? Only he & Allah know. But at least we do not shut each other out. At least I still able to express my feeling to him.
Writing this doesn't mean that I blame anyone, far more blaming the fate from Allah but I'm trying to find a pure acceptance towards my loss in order to heal and move ahead. Please do not get me wrong.
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