What I wanted to be...

Siapa tak pernah ada cita2.. paksaan atau relaan memang kena ada.  For me, it started when i was in stardard 1. My class teacher forced me to list down 3 ambitions that i had.  Can you imagine? You dont even know how to spell word cita-cita and you may not even know what is the meaning of cita-cita until the same teacher told you the meaning, but you need to have 3 list of cita-cita.  I remember how dismayed i was.. i memang gitu, pantang di suruh berfikir dari kecik.. mesti dan-dan tu rasa grumpy.   i cant escape as everybody need to have 3 ambitions.  But why 3?  we will only be one person with one job, not 3.

The lazy me managed to get 3 ambition lists without too much further thought.  3 jobs that were available at school; teacher, garderner and clerk. Hahaha.  I cant remember what was other's ambition but i was quite happy with my choice. But it was not over.  Then every year without failed, my class teacher will request us to list down 3 ambitions list.  I started to be creative.. army, policemen, teacher again & all sort of jobs from gomen sectors. Why army? because army looks very tough in their suits, or is it because you can give something back to your country?  Not me i guess, i will not think that much at 8 years old.  Why policemen? Because the policemen are very powerful (even my mother used to takutkan me that there were policemen going to catch me while i was crying in order to stop me from crying: and it always works) and definetly not because i can take bribe from public.. masa tu otak suci lagi, apa2 yang mendatangkan dosa tak terpikir punya.

At standard 3 i had been more creative, i want to be a scientist.. whoaaa.  i were not even really know what scientist are actually.  Where did i get the idea? i cant remember but maybe it came from the mouth of one of my bright classmate.  But i remember one of my classmate comment that we as a muslim can not be a scientist as scientist does not believed in God.  It was kind of frustrating as i was quite happy with my new ambition because it sounded very sophisticated.

Then at standard 4, our family was interviewed by soatkabar utusan malaysia reporter.  It was kenkononnya for achievement section.  So, merasalah i masuk soatkabar once.  When the reporter asked me about my ambition, i was so embarrased to tell him that i dont have any serious thought yet about my future under taking (mana boleh anyway, this is for the achievement section where people talk about the whole family member's achievement and suddenly the youngest family member was not having any ambition.. mati i kena sumpah kat my parents).  So, my father who sat beside me during the whole interview told the reporter that i'm going to be a doctor.. whoaaaa. 2 months later, our family story's was in the news paper and it was clearly written that i hope to be a doctor when i grown up. I was so embarrassed to go to school as everybody was making fun of me.  i am quite sure that my friends saw the true side of me :-)

 Father told me that he really wish that i could fulfil his wish one day.. to be a doctor.  Today, i should apologize to him as i didn't try hard enough to be one that he wish. i played hard and study less in my upper secondary and matriculation years be qualified to take medic course.  I am sorry abah.  I was also carried away with lots more dreams during my secondary school ( i wanted to be TUDM pilot very badly but i was too short to even qualifed for the application) and finally i end up being what i never dreamt before... not a popular job on earth but something that i happen to love ( adakalanya lah, ada jugak masanya menyesal)

What is important here.. you can dream anything that you wish to dream and it's ok if you cant fulfil it.. because it's part of life.  I guess that is why we need to give 3 ambitions when we were at standard 1 .. to allow us to fail.